i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
