I'm jealous of your bromance
It's Friday. Sex?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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