Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
