Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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