I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
kristin has been a bad kristin
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
