I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
