just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
