I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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