Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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