my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
