okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
