Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
