You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
