i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
