Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
how does that bad decision feel?
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