i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
