Swine flu. Run for my life!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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