evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
