i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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