You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
