I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
