wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm at about main and main street
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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