I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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