Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
