One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
