just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
