i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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