How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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