Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
