We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
