Sry I called you an 8
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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