I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
