I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
