THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
