i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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