My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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