I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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