she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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