I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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