oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
