I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
