Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
