Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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