I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
