What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
