my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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