9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
