Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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