I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
