Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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