Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
