I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
