Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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