Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
