No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
